To improve your posture and presence on a date, stand comfortably upright, let your shoulders settle, face the woman when she speaks and put away distractions so you can give her your attention. Sit in a way that allows easy conversation rather than folding over the table or striking a theatrical pose. Move naturally, make comfortable eye contact and use your hands when a story calls for them. Good presence comes from being engaged and at ease—not holding yourself rigidly in the hope of appearing more impressive.
Monty has a particular affection for beautifully cut jackets. He does not, however, approve of using the jacket as a form of temporary scaffolding.
An uncomfortable posture can make an ordinary greeting awkward. You may be waiting at a restaurant with your shoulders locked back and your chin lifted because you think that is what confidence looks like. If you can barely turn to smile when she arrives, the pose is working against you. Stand naturally, notice her approach and say hello. There is no need to resemble a commemorative statue.
“Are you all right?” she asks.
How to stand confidently when your date arrives
When you're waiting for somebody, your posture often reflects what you're doing rather than what you're feeling.
If you're folded over your telephone checking the time every forty seconds, you'll probably be less aware of the room. If you're standing comfortably and looking around, you'll find it easier to notice her arrival.
Put the phone away when you no longer need it. Rest your weight naturally on both feet or shift it as comfortable. Let your arms sit where they belong instead of forcing them into a pose.
You don't need to hold your stomach in, throw your shoulders back dramatically or raise your chin to a medically improbable angle.
When she arrives, turn towards her, smile and greet her properly.
“Lovely to see you. Did you find the place all right?”
That simple act of attention matters more than the angle of your elbows.
If you're holding a coat, bag or umbrella, put it somewhere sensible once you're inside. It's much easier to offer a pleasant greeting when you're not wrestling a wet umbrella against the restaurant's antique wallpaper.
How to sit comfortably and confidently on a date
Some men perch on the edge of the chair as if preparing to flee. Others collapse into it until their companion can see little but the top of their head.
Find a comfortable position that lets you see and hear one another.
You might sit upright with your feet resting naturally, shoulders relaxed and enough space from the table to move without knocking over the drinks. If the chair is uncomfortable, adjust it or politely ask whether another seat is available.
There's no universal rule that a confident man must occupy the maximum amount of furniture.
Taking up more space than you need, spreading belongings across the table or leaning so far into somebody's personal space that she has to move away is not charm.
Equally, don't keep yourself unnaturally small. You are entitled to sit comfortably and enjoy the evening.
The point is to make conversation physically easy. You should be able to laugh, eat, turn towards a shared view and reach for your glass without negotiating with your own spine.
Face her when it makes sense
When a woman is telling you something, turn your attention towards her.
This doesn't mean holding a fixed gaze throughout the evening. Nobody wishes to be examined like a newly discovered painting in a private collection.
Look at her naturally while she's speaking. You can glance at the menu, your drink or the room without treating it as a failure.
If you're sitting side by side at a bar, you don't need to twist your neck permanently towards her. Turn comfortably when speaking and allow the position to change.
If she points out something happening across the room, follow her attention. If you're both looking at a view, enjoy it together.
Being physically present means responding to what she's saying and doing rather than maintaining one impressive shape.
And do remember to notice whether she seems comfortable. A little distance may suit a new acquaintance better than constant leaning into her space.
A real date has movement. Let yours have some.
How much eye contact should you make on a date?
Our aspiring statue has watched an online video claiming that an unbroken gaze can make a gentleman irresistible.
The result is that he looks at his date for so long she begins to suspect he has forgotten how to blink.
No timed stare can manufacture attraction.
Look when you speak, listen when she responds and let your attention move. If you're making a playful remark, a smile may communicate far more than a determined stare.
If she doesn't wish to hold your gaze, don't force the moment. She may be reserved, distracted or simply looking at the menu. You cannot diagnose attraction from the direction of her eyes alone.
The surrounding conversation matters much more: does she enjoy talking, contribute and choose to keep spending time with you?
When two people fancy each other, a glance can be delightful. It becomes less delightful when one person is secretly counting seconds.
Monty is in favour of romance. He is not in favour of competitive blinking.
Let your hands help a story rather than sabotage it
A man who becomes self-conscious may suddenly have no idea where to put his hands.
Should they sit on his knees? On the table? Should he fold them in the manner of a visiting diplomat?
If your hands are trembling over the menu, put it down and take a moment. You're allowed to rest them on the table without arranging them into a mysterious secret signal.
If you're telling an amusing story, a natural gesture may help. If you're listening, you don't need to keep moving. When you're eating, the cutlery offers a perfectly adequate occupation.
Avoid constantly fiddling with a phone, rearranging your watch or turning your glass until your companion wonders whether it's a rare museum exhibit.
And don't begin touching the woman to demonstrate supposed confidence. Familiarity develops through mutual interest and welcome physical affection, not a sequence of pre-planned gestures.
If you want to hold her hand later, make sure the invitation is welcome. Your body language is one part of conversation; it does not override her choices.
There's something charming about a man who can be expressive without being a one-person puppet theatre.
Imagine she's telling you about an art project. You're sitting comfortably, listening, and notice that she's particularly amused by one disastrous detail.
You smile, ask what happened next and share a short related story.
She can tell that you've heard her because your answer connects to what she said.
Now picture the alternative: you've perfected your upright posture but spent the entire account deciding whether your shoulders look broad enough.
She finishes. You offer a generic compliment because you didn't hear the ending.
One fellow has technically achieved excellent geometry. The other is actually participating.
Attention is attractive partly because it creates room for another person to be known. That doesn't guarantee romance, but it makes the evening more pleasant for both of you.
You can bring your own stories, preferences and humour as well. Presence isn't passive admiration; it's engaged company.
Monty prefers a genuinely interested man with a slightly crooked jacket to a marble figure with exquisite shoulders and no idea what his date just said.
When you're tall, short or worried about your appearance
You may have heard advice suggesting that presence depends on height, broad shoulders or a particular body shape.
Nonsense. Individuals have their preferences, but a man can engage warmly in conversation whatever his build.
Choose clothes that fit your present body and allow you to move comfortably. Stand and sit without trying to impersonate another man's proportions.
If you're tall, you needn't loom over somebody. If you're shorter, don't raise yourself awkwardly or insist on comparing heights.
Your date isn't there to watch an architectural competition.
Some women may find you attractive. Some won't. Posture can't manufacture universal attraction.
What it can do is help you greet her, talk easily and feel less distracted by the mechanics of your own body.
You may discover you stand differently when you're laughing with friends. That's often a useful reminder that natural movement is possible without conscious supervision.
Wear the jacket that fits and let the gentleman inside it have the conversation.
Presence also involves how you speak.
If you're facing away, rushing through sentences or directing every remark towards the tablecloth, conversation may feel less connected.
Turn comfortably towards her and speak clearly enough for the setting. There's no need to lower your voice to the register of an overworked film villain.
If the venue is noisy, move to a quieter spot if you both want to. Don't lean into her personal space merely because the background music is dreadful.
Let a story have an understandable beginning, then allow her to respond. If she asks something, answer rather than delivering a prepared speech.
And listen when she speaks. Nobody enjoys competing with a man's phone for attention.
You don't need perfect enunciation or an impossibly smooth accent. A little genuine warmth travels a remarkable distance.
Monty has been known to whisper something outrageous in a crowded room, but only when the woman beside him is actually interested in hearing it.
Walking beside a woman on a date
Not every date happens across a table. Perhaps you're wandering through an exhibition, visiting a market or walking to another venue.
There's no special swagger to learn.
Walk at a comfortable pace for both of you. If one person stops to examine a painting or look in a shop window, allow the moment.
Don't stride ahead while talking over your shoulder, and don't tug someone towards an activity she hasn't chosen.
If the pavement is narrow, give people room. If she suggests another route, listen. Ordinary manners make shared movement a pleasure.
You might point out something interesting or offer a small joke about an absurd sculpture. Perhaps she draws your attention to something you'd never have noticed.
You are experiencing the world together, not demonstrating your ability to dominate a footpath.
And please, resist the temptation to walk with exaggerated shoulders as though you're about to make a surprise entrance into the Royal Navy.
Does leaning closer mean romantic interest?
A woman may lean towards you because she is interested, because the music is loud or because she wants to show you something on her phone.
Don't treat a single movement as permission for physical affection.
Look at the broader interaction and, when affection becomes a possibility, communicate in a way that respects her choice.
If she seems uncomfortable, give her space. If you're enjoying a mutually playful exchange, you can enjoy it without assuming the evening's next step.
You are allowed your own boundaries too. You don't have to kiss somebody just because you worry that declining would appear uncertain.
Confidence is not physically imposing yourself on another person. It's being able to participate honestly in a connection that both people choose.
If you want another date, a clear invitation remains more informative than an elaborate performance with your posture.
Relax into an ordinary conversation
When a conversation becomes interesting, you may find your posture improves without any special technique. You turn towards her, laugh and use your hands when telling a story. You are no longer inspecting the angle of your shoulders because you are busy getting to know somebody. A comfortable position makes those small interactions easier; it is not a promise of attraction. And if your jacket is a little crooked, old boy, let it be crooked.
She smiles. The evening becomes enjoyable.