HOW TO FLIRTWHEN SHE IS MORE CONFIDENT

Stop treating her confidence as a contest

A confident woman may speak easily to strangers, tell wonderful stories, make plans without fuss or enjoy being the first to ask a question. None of those things means she is measuring your performance against hers.

What often goes wrong is the story a man invents in his head. She's funnier. She's more experienced. She'll think I'm dull. I'd better become an entirely different person before the waiter arrives.

And so he either goes silent or starts doing tricks. One feels like a sulk; the other feels like somebody demonstrating a kitchen appliance.

Try a more useful thought: she's showing you how she likes to interact. Notice what she enjoys, then bring something of yourself to the exchange. You aren't required to match her volume, number of stories or number of friends.

If she says, "I always end up talking to everybody at these things," you might smile and say, "Splendid. I'll leave the international diplomacy to you. I'm rather good at finding the best food."

That's a response, a little personality and an invitation for her to play back. No chest-thumping required.

Flirt from your own strengths rather than borrowing hers

Perhaps she is the lively one and you are observant. Use that. Perhaps she's quick with a joke and you're excellent at noticing the detail that makes one land. Use that too.

Being calmer can offer a pleasant contrast when it isn't disguised as indifference. Listen properly, respond with interest and let your own humour emerge at its natural speed.

Here's how an ordinary conversation can change.

Trying too hard: "You travel a lot? I've been practically everywhere. Business class, mostly. Actually, you should see the photographs."

Something worth saying: "You choose adventures rather quickly, don't you? What's the one trip you'd go back and do again?"

If she starts telling you about getting lost in Lisbon, don't immediately top her with a story about a private jet. Ask what happened. Laugh at the ridiculous part. Share a brief travel mishap of your own when there's a natural opening.

Flirting works particularly well when an answer becomes a small running joke. If she confesses that she always boards the wrong train, you can ask later, "Before I make any grand romantic plans, should I check which platform you're on?"

It shows you remembered her story. Better than delivering a line you found on the internet while eating cereal.

What to say when she teases you first

A woman who enjoys confident banter may tease you lightly. That isn't necessarily a test, and it certainly isn't an invitation to insult her back.

Suppose she notices your unusually bright shirt.

"That's quite a bold choice."

You could reply, "I was going to wear the quiet one, but it needed a holiday." A smile makes the absurdity obvious. If she grins and asks whether the rest of your wardrobe is equally colourful, you've got a conversation.

Or she looks at the menu and says, "You seem like someone who orders the most expensive thing."

"Only when somebody else insists. Are you offering?"

Then laugh, and move on to what she's actually considering. The line is a little cheeky; it isn't a commitment to perform stand-up comedy until dessert.

If teasing doesn't come naturally, you can be gently direct: "I like how quick you are. You keep me on my toes." A sincere remark sometimes carries more attraction than six desperately manufactured jokes.

Watch whether she seems to enjoy the exchange. If her expression changes, she stops joining in or she takes the subject elsewhere, follow her lead. A shared joke should belong to two people, not one man brandishing it like a sword.

Let her lead sometimes without becoming a passenger

A common worry is that a confident woman will make every decision. There is nothing wrong with enjoying her initiative. There is something rather unsatisfying about answering every question with "whatever you want".

If she suggests a cocktail bar, you might say, "That sounds good. I've also heard there's a little place around the corner with live music. Which mood are you in?"

You've offered a preference and given her a choice. If she picks the bar, you're not defeated. You've made a date together.

If she asks where you would like to go, answer. "There's a bookshop café I think you'd enjoy. Shall we try it on Saturday?" is much more engaging than a nervous recital of twenty establishments.

Confident women are individuals, of course. Some love initiating; others spend their working lives organising everyone and would be delighted if somebody else selected the restaurant. Find out instead of assuming.

An attractive partnership isn't a captain barking orders at a deckhand. It is two adults taking turns with the map.

The moment a confident woman makes you nervous

You might be enjoying the conversation when she asks you a perfectly ordinary question and your mind suddenly goes blank. That doesn't mean you've ruined your chances. Give yourself a second. There's no need to apologise for being nervous or fill the gap with whatever comes into your head.

If you lose your train of thought, you can say, "Hang on, I've forgotten where I was going with that." Then carry on. Most people have lost a sentence halfway through at some point. Don't turn a small pause into a confession about every awkward date you've ever had.

The bigger mistake is pretending to be someone else. Suppose she says she loves live music and asks what you listen to. You don't need to claim her favourite band is yours too. If you're a soul-music man, say so. Tell her a song you love and ask what got her into hers. You now have a conversation about your different tastes, rather than an evening spent nodding along.

The same goes for plans. If she suggests dancing, don't volunteer for three hours on the dance floor because you're afraid to admit you have two left feet. You can say, "I'm no great dancer, but I'll give one song a go"—provided you mean it. If you don't want to dance, suggest something you would both enjoy.

A confident woman doesn't need you to match her volume or beat her to every punchline. She needs a chance to discover what you're actually like. Ask a question because you're curious. Offer an opinion because it's yours. Let her see the man she's talking to, not a hurried imitation of her.

You can work on feeling more comfortable around women without pretending to be somebody else.

How to show attraction if she's doing most of the talking

Don't confuse listening with flirting. Listening builds a connection; a little visible interest helps her understand that you see her as a possible date rather than a fascinating guest lecturer.

You might say, "I was looking forward to meeting you, and you're even more fun to talk to than I expected." Or, after an enjoyable evening, "I'd like to do this again. Are you free next week?"

Notice how little theatre is required. These are ordinary sentences carrying real intent.

During conversation, offer a warm smile, comfortably meet her eyes and share a thought rather than simply approving every opinion. You can disagree kindly: "I can't join you in condemning all detective novels. Some of us have standards to maintain."

If she enjoys the argument, there's room for play. If not, leave it there. Her confidence does not give you permission to push a joke past its welcome.

You also needn't turn every moment into flirtation. Discuss books, work, family, food or whatever interests you both. A woman who is comfortable talking to you may enjoy discovering the man behind the flirting.

What if she talks faster or jokes faster than you?

Different conversational tempos are perfectly normal. Some people have a comeback before you've finished the sentence; others need a second to find the right words.

Don't begin rehearsing answers while she's speaking. You'll miss the most interesting part. A small, honest observation often beats a rapid-fire punchline.

She says, "I can't believe you haven't seen that film."

You say, "I'm saving it for the correct person to be scandalised with me."

She says, "You're impossible."

You smile: "Frequently. But I'm improving."

Or you simply say, "Go on, tell me why it's so good." Curiosity isn't a failure to flirt. It can be the beginning of it.

If you're naturally shy, the more specific guidance in how to flirt when you're shy may help. Shyness and being quieter than a partner are not the same thing, but the practical difficulty of finding an opening can overlap.

When confidence becomes overwhelming rather than attractive

There is a difference between a woman being charismatic and a conversation leaving you no room at all. You are entitled to enjoy an exchange in which your thoughts matter.

If she repeatedly interrupts, try a friendly, calm boundary: "Hang on, I want to finish this bit. Then I want to hear what happened to you."

If she laughs and gives you space, splendid. If every attempt to contribute is dismissed, ask yourself whether the two of you actually suit each other. A dazzling entrance does not compensate for an entire evening spent feeling invisible.

Likewise, if she chooses every activity and brushes aside your preferences, you can say, "I'd enjoy something quieter next time. Would that work for you?"

Being interested in a confident woman doesn't require you to abandon your own tastes.

And if she isn't interested romantically, accept the answer without inventing a challenge to conquer. Confidence is not a puzzle with a hidden combination.

A simple way to invite her out

A clear invitation can be wonderfully attractive precisely because it doesn't demand a speech.

If you've been talking at a party: "I've enjoyed this. Would you like to carry on over coffee one afternoon?"

If you're already on a first date: "I've had a really good time. I'd like to see you again. How's Thursday?"

If she is the one who initiated the first meeting: "You picked a cracking place. Let me return the favour next time."

The invitation works whether she is bold, reserved or somewhere in between. It says you have enjoyed her company and would like more of it. She can say yes, suggest another day or decline.

You don't have to become the loudest man in her life. You have to be a man she can enjoy meeting.

And if she happens to be the sort who walks into a room and has everybody laughing within thirty seconds? Marvel at the talent, old boy. Then ask her what she thinks of the music. You've got something to contribute as well.