To meet women through adult education classes, enrol in something you genuinely want to learn, attend regularly, talk naturally with fellow students and let any friendship develop before suggesting a date. Choose an in-person course where conversation is part of the experience, rather than an online lecture or a class you secretly despise. Remember that the women there have paid or enrolled to learn, not to be pursued. If a connection becomes mutual, ask once, clearly, outside lesson time.
There are two reasons a gentleman might decide to learn Italian. The first is a lifelong affection for the language, the food and the glorious business of making ordinary remarks sound like opera.
The second is that he believes Italian classes are full of beautiful women.
The first is a splendid reason. The second can be an expensive way to discover that your classmates are mostly interested in passing their examinations.
I was persuaded to accompany a friend, Lucian, to an evening course in decorative bookbinding. He knew nothing about the subject and had only ever bound a book by sitting on it while the glue dried.
“Why bookbinding?” I asked.
“Thought it would be a cultured place to meet women.”
“Do you like books?”
“Not particularly.”
“Then you've managed to choose an unsuitable activity and a potentially disappointing romance at the same time. Congratulations.”
The evening turned out to be marvellous. But not because the class had mysteriously transformed into a dating agency.
Choose the course before imagining the romance
Look for a class you could happily attend even if all the other students were married.
Local adult education centres, further-education colleges, libraries, arts organisations and community learning providers advertise in-person courses. The Workers' Educational Association, known as the WEA, also runs adult learning opportunities and community learning hubs in parts of England and Scotland.
But course formats vary. Some are online, some are workshops, some meet weekly, and others concentrate heavily on qualifications or training.
If meeting new people is one of your hopes, confirm that the course actually takes place in person and includes discussion or shared activity.
A conversational language class, creative workshop or local-history group may allow more informal interaction than a silent exam-preparation session.
Check the start date, location, fees and any eligibility conditions with the provider. Don't mistake an old course brochure for a booking confirmation.
And for heaven's sake, choose a subject you would still enjoy if the person beside you arrived wearing a wedding ring.
Why classes create a different sort of introduction
At a speed-dating evening, people arrive knowing romantic introductions are the purpose.
At an adult education class, the purpose is learning. That distinction matters.
But you also have something useful in common with the other students: a reason to be in the same room, a shared task and usually more than one occasion to talk.
You might discover that you both enjoy the same subject, possess similarly disastrous drawing skills or have entirely different opinions about a particular painting.
The acquaintance can develop without the pressure of a formal romantic meeting.
Of course, recurring contact is no guarantee that attraction will follow. And the teacher has an actual job to do, so you shouldn't turn the lesson into your personal conversation club.
The great advantage is that you can begin by being interested in a subject, then find out whether you also enjoy the company of the people studying it.
The remarkable bookbinding catastrophe
Lucian and I sat at a long table opposite a woman called Beatrice, who worked restoring old furniture.
Our first task was to cut paper, fold signatures and assemble a small notebook.
Lucian attacked the materials with the confidence of a man who had never previously been entrusted with a craft knife.
His finished book opened in three directions and appeared to have developed a small appendix.
Beatrice studied it.
“Is it meant to do that?”
“It's a revolutionary new design,” he said. “It allows the reader to get lost without opening the book.”
She laughed, then showed him how he'd positioned the folded pages incorrectly.
It was the first interesting conversation he'd had in the class.
He hadn't complimented her eyelashes or attempted a rehearsed line. He'd admitted a ridiculous mistake and listened while a fellow student offered help.
More importantly, he stayed for the rest of the lesson and tried to make a better book.
Talk during natural breaks, not over the tutor
You may be keen to know the woman working across from you, but she may be trying to hear the instructions.
An occasional relevant question is fine.
“How did you get that stitch to sit so neatly?”
She explains. You thank her. Perhaps she asks how yours is going.
You can chat properly during a break, while packing equipment away, or at a group gathering after the class if one occurs naturally.
Don't interrupt her work every few minutes or deliberately choose a seat beside her after she's made it clear she prefers space.
And if you have a question that really belongs with the teacher, ask the teacher. A woman shouldn't have to serve as your personal tutor because you hope she'll begin to fancy you.
A good student is pleasant company without needing the entire class to accommodate his social ambitions.
Let your actual personality appear
The most attractive part of attending a course isn't that you can claim to be a cultured Renaissance gentleman.
It's that a woman can see you learning, asking questions, enjoying a challenge and sometimes making a complete mess of things.
You can talk about what brought you to the course, what you've found difficult and what you'd like to try next.
Perhaps you both grew up loving old buildings. Perhaps she is a wonderfully precise craftsperson and you are gloriously impatient.
Those differences can create amusement.
What isn't charming is pretending you have expertise you lack, competing with her achievements or repeatedly steering the conversation towards your income and status.
Lucian initially described himself as “something of a book collector”. He owned seven books, three of which were cookbooks he'd never opened.
Beatrice had shelves full of old volumes. It was much better when he admitted he was a beginner.
The difference between a friendly classmate and a romantic prospect
Your classmate may be warm, helpful and pleased to see you without wanting a date.
That is entirely ordinary.
Notice whether the connection develops beyond the immediate task. Does she choose to talk when neither of you needs assistance? Does she ask about your other interests? Do you find yourselves continuing a conversation when it's time to leave?
Those things may be encouraging. They don't tell you for certain whether she's single or attracted to you.
Don't ask the tutor to investigate her personal life. Don't search an enrolment list for her address or follow her outside the venue.
If, after several genuine exchanges, you'd like to invite her out, you can ask respectfully. Then give her room to decide.
If she's not interested, you still have a course to finish and a classmate who deserves to feel comfortable there.
What if you only have one workshop?
A one-off class is different from a weekly course.
You have less time to become familiar, so the temptation is to rush. Resist it.
Enjoy the activity and be sociable with the group. If you share a particularly good conversation with a woman and she appears interested, an invitation near the end may be appropriate.
“It's been lovely talking about those old houses. Would you like to continue over coffee sometime?”
Be clear without putting her on the spot in front of other students.
If the moment doesn't naturally arise, let it go. You haven't lost a romantic competition by attending a useful workshop and going home.
Sometimes people are simply pleasant strangers with whom you share an enjoyable afternoon.
There's no requirement to convert every one of those encounters into a date.
Can you use adult classes after moving somewhere new?
Certainly. They can be a useful way to find familiar faces when you don't yet have much of a social circle.
Check local providers, libraries and colleges. Community learning hubs may also be worth exploring, depending on your location and circumstances.
Pick a course that fits your timetable and interests rather than signing up for every evening in the calendar.
After a few sessions, you may be introduced to other activities or local events by fellow students.
Those new friendships are worthwhile in their own right.
Don't regard married classmates, older participants or people you don't fancy as wasted contacts. A broader social life includes enjoying the company of all sorts of people.
And remember that a quiet educational setting shouldn't suddenly become uncomfortable because one student has decided to flirt with everybody.
When to ask for an actual date
After several weeks, Lucian and Beatrice discovered they both enjoyed visiting old country houses.
They'd spoken about architecture during breaks and exchanged stories about objects they'd tried to repair.
One evening, as the class was ending, he asked whether she'd like to visit a small exhibition with him on Saturday.
“As a date?” she asked.
He smiled. “Yes. Though I promise not to try binding the exhibition catalogue.”
That was clear. She could decide freely.
If she'd declined, the right thing would have been to accept it and continue behaving courteously in class.
She happened to agree. They arranged the details directly, without recruiting the bookbinding tutor as a romantic intermediary.
The course is still worth completing
Lucian finished with a notebook that finally opened in the expected direction.
He was immensely proud.
Beatrice admired it, though she suggested the stitching might require another attempt.
The pair enjoyed an exhibition together. Whether that became the beginning of a grand romance was something for them to discover beyond the classroom.
The more important lesson was that Lucian had stopped viewing education as camouflage for romantic pursuit. He'd become genuinely interested in the craft, made friends and met a woman whose conversation he liked.
A class can bring you into the same room as interesting women. It cannot make one of them fall for you. The relationship has to grow from the actual people involved.
If you'd like to polish your first invitations, Monty's complimentary little courtship booklet can be found through the offer below.
Now, old boy, stop flirting with the tutor and finish your notebook. We want the pages on the inside.