If your mind is racing just before a first date, settle the practical details, stop trying to predict whether she'll fancy you, and give yourself one ordinary job at a time until you arrive. Check the venue, journey and meeting time; choose the clothes you're actually wearing; put the phone away once arrangements are confirmed; and arrive ready to meet one woman, not to stage a flawless performance. You don't have to settle every thought before leaving the house. You only need to get to the date prepared and willing to enjoy it.
The clock says six fifteen. You're due to meet a lovely woman at seven.
One part of your mind wants to know whether she'll like your jacket. Another has decided to revisit an unfortunate haircut from 2019. A third is wondering whether you should have booked the other restaurant, the one with those little candles that make everyone look as though they have a private lighting technician.
Meanwhile, your shoes are still upstairs and you've somehow lost your keys.
Ah, the exquisite final forty-five minutes before a promising date: a time when a man can turn getting dressed into a full West End production with absolutely no audience.
Let's deal with the next hour, not your entire romantic future.
Six fifteen: stop trying to improve the whole evening
The first thing to recognise is that most of the big decisions have already been made. You've chosen a place. She's agreed to meet you. You have an appointment with a real person.
This is not an invitation to reopen the negotiations because a more glamorous restaurant appeared on your feed.
Unless something material has changed, leave the plan alone. A last-minute venue switch can inconvenience her and give you another thing to worry about.
Instead, ask one practical question: What must I do next to arrive comfortably?
Perhaps the answer is find your keys. Perhaps it's check the bus. Perhaps it's put on the jacket that you wore happily last week.
Do that one thing.
A man can be perfectly capable of dating while having several ridiculous thoughts at once. There's no requirement to arrive with the serene expression of a marble statue.
And marble statues, for the record, are generally dreadful at conversation.
Six twenty: dress the man who's actually going
Your cupboard contains clothes you've worn, liked and survived. Yet just before a date you may feel a strong desire to invent a new image from whatever trousers happen to be clean.
Don't.
Choose something fresh, comfortable and appropriate to the venue. Check the essentials: clean shoes, tidy hair, clothes that fit, and a coat if the weather looks uncooperative.
You need not suddenly become a gentleman whose trousers require a valet.
If you've purchased a new jacket, excellent, but make sure you can sit in it. If you wear a scent, keep it considerate rather than announcing your arrival several streets ahead.
Once you're dressed, leave the mirror. Looking again every ninety seconds will not reveal a previously undiscovered level of handsomeness.
You will have more important things to observe soon: how she speaks, what makes her laugh and whether you enjoy her company.
A first date is not an opportunity to admire your own reflection from different angles.
Six twenty-five: establish that the date exists in the correct place
Open the confirmation once. Check the actual address, not merely the restaurant's name. A surprising number of respectable establishments have several branches, and a man waiting beside the wrong Pizza Express is engaged in a fundamentally different romantic adventure.
Check the opening time and your route. If you've agreed to meet outside, know which entrance. If your transport is delayed, send one straightforward update with a realistic arrival estimate.
“Train's running about ten minutes behind. I expect to be there at 7.10—sorry for the delay.”
That's an appropriate apology, because there's an actual inconvenience to acknowledge.
By contrast, “Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry, I hope you're not cross, I'm probably a terrible date already” offers her a job she didn't apply for.
If you're on time and the plan is sound, the practical checks are finished. You may now stop examining the map as though it contains your destiny.
The restaurant will not improve because you've zoomed in on it fourteen times.
Six thirty: leave the imaginary woman at home
Before a first date, it's possible to construct an entire personality out of a few photographs and messages.
She's glamorous, so perhaps she only likes wealthy men. She's funny, so perhaps your jokes won't compete. She's successful, so perhaps she'll want to discuss economics and your mind has already failed its examination.
But you don't know what she'll be like across the table.
She may be shy. She may be wonderfully silly. She may be curious about your life in ways you couldn't predict. Or the two of you may find that the chemistry doesn't quite appear.
Your job is not to defeat the imagined version. It's to meet the woman who actually turns up.
If a thought arrives saying, “What if she finds me boring?” you needn't argue with it for twenty minutes. There's a real conversation coming in which you can discover how the two of you get on.
That is far better information than a forecast generated by your imagination while you search for matching socks.
Six thirty-five: don't audition your entire conversation
You may be tempted to prepare fifteen dazzling stories, six questions and one joke of such irresistible power that she'll be telling her grandchildren about it.
A small amount of preparation is fine. Remember something from your previous conversations or her profile. Think of a question you'd genuinely like to ask. Beyond that, allow the evening to unfold.
If she mentioned loving live theatre, you might ask which show she enjoyed most recently. If you share a fascination with strange old buildings, mention an unusual place you saw on the way.
The important word is genuinely. A question is not good because it appears on a dating guru's approved list. It's good because you care about the answer.
Do not memorise whole replies on her behalf. If you rehearse a joke and she says something unexpected, your prepared performance may collapse like a folding deckchair.
A spontaneous “Really? Tell me more” often serves better than a perfectly polished line delivered to the wrong subject.
Six forty: put the telephone back in its place
Your arrangements are settled. She's said she'll see you shortly.
Now is not the time to study whether she used a kiss at the end of the message, inspect her profile for changes or consult four friends about the strategic implications of the word “lovely”.
You already have a date. Go to it.
Put the phone in your pocket while you finish preparing. Use it for directions and genuine practical messages, not a continuous feed of imagined romantic verdicts.
Avoid sending extra messages merely because you want reassurance that she's still interested. A reasonable confirmation is helpful; repeated requests for a promise of attraction are not.
And please don't make a final nervous visit to a dating app to compare her against another match. The woman who's agreed to meet you deserves your attention, as do you.
This evening is about two people discovering each other, not your phone proving that you're desirable.
Six forty-five: give the journey its proper importance
Leave in enough time that you don't arrive breathless, irritated and carrying an argument with the traffic lights.
On the bus, look out of the window. On a walk, notice the route and the interesting buildings. If you're taking a cab, confirm the destination and settle in.
That's not a special treatment programme. It's simply allowing the journey to be a journey instead of using every minute to imagine what might happen at dessert.
If you enjoy music, you can listen to something you actually like. Not a motivational speech informing you that you are the alpha male of the northern hemisphere. A favourite song will do.
You might even pass a shop window and discover that your jacket looks perfectly respectable. Lovely. The matter is closed.
What you mustn't do is arrive too early and spend half an hour staring at the door, growing increasingly alarmed by each woman who walks past.
Aim for a comfortable arrival, not an endurance contest.
Six fifty-five: know your first fifteen seconds
A greeting can be wonderfully undramatic.
“Hi, Sarah. Lovely to meet you.”
If you've met before: “It's really good to see you again.”
Then ask how her journey was or comment on the venue. Let her answer.
You do not need a spectacular compliment the instant she appears. If you genuinely like her outfit, you can say so warmly, without reviewing her entire appearance.
A woman can tell you an amusing story before you've established whether your banter is sparkling. That's allowed.
If you both look a little uncertain, you might smile and say, “Well, we've successfully found the same building. An excellent start.”
Then order something. The evening has begun.
Seven o'clock: swap your prediction for observation
Once you're sitting together, look at the person in front of you rather than the scene you've rehearsed.
Does she ask about your life? Are you enjoying what she's saying? Is there a subject that makes her animated? Do you share a sense of humour?
You will discover more by participating in five minutes of conversation than by spending another hour preparing.
And don't insist on deciding immediately whether you'll have a second date. Some people warm up slowly. Others start with a flourish and discover less compatibility later.
If a pause appears, give it a moment. Sip your drink. Ask about something she's already mentioned.
There's no need to announce the arrival of silence as though the restaurant should ring a bell.
When the last-minute nerves have a real reason
Not every pre-date concern is imaginary. Perhaps the venue feels unsafe, the person has ignored a clear boundary, or the proposed meeting has changed to a private address you're uncomfortable visiting.
Do not tell yourself that you must suppress sensible doubts to prove you're confident.
Choose a public place, tell someone you trust your plans and use your own transport. You can suggest a safer alternative or decline to meet. You are under no obligation to attend something that no longer feels right.
Likewise, if you're genuinely unwell or cannot travel, communicate honestly rather than forcing an appearance.
A difference exists between ordinary excitement about an uncertain outcome and a concrete reason not to proceed. Treat the second seriously.
And if you simply realise you're not interested, you can cancel courteously instead of going purely to avoid disappointing her.
The clock finally reaches seven
Back to the gentleman who spent six fifteen worrying about his jacket and trying to remember a terrible haircut from 2019.
He arrives at the correct restaurant. His date laughs when he confesses he nearly went to the wrong branch. She tells him about her journey. Within minutes they're discussing the peculiar painting beside their table.
He doesn't know whether this will become a romance. Nobody does. But his mind has finally been given something better than speculation: another person to get to know.
Before a first date, you needn't conquer every thought, become impossibly smooth or organise a lifetime in forty-five minutes. Sort what can actually be sorted. Leave room for uncertainty. Turn up ready to meet her.
And when you find your keys, put them somewhere sensible. Even Monty cannot flirt with a locked front door.