To meet women at a wedding when you're single, enjoy the celebration first, introduce yourself naturally through the people you both know, and let any flirtation grow from conversation rather than treating the reception like a singles event. Chat over dinner, join group conversations and dance if the invitation is welcome. If you enjoy talking to a woman, ask whether she'd like to meet another day. Don't interrupt the ceremony, recruit the bridal party as matchmakers or make anybody feel obliged to entertain you.
A wedding can be a magnificent place to meet somebody. Everybody has dressed beautifully, there's usually music, and the entire gathering has assembled to celebrate the rather optimistic institution of romance.
But the woman you find attractive may be a relative, a colleague, an old friend or somebody who simply wants to enjoy the occasion.
She hasn't paid to attend an evening of speed dating. Nor should the bride have to interrupt her photographs because you've fallen desperately in love beside the chocolate fountain.
A wedding can tempt a single guest to treat the seating plan as a catalogue of potential dates. Resist it. You're there to celebrate with people who have invited you, not investigate the relationship status of every stranger. Enjoy the ceremony, be considerate of the families and let introductions happen through ordinary conversation.
There is a far more agreeable approach, old boy. And it begins by remembering whose wedding this is.
How to prepare for a wedding when you're attending single
Wear something appropriate to the dress code. Make sure it fits. Clean your shoes. Find out where you're supposed to be and arrive without causing logistical difficulties.
You may be single, but there's no requirement to appear in a suit so outrageously theatrical that the groom has to apologise for you.
If you're travelling alone, arrange transport and somewhere to stay if needed. It's easier to relax when you're not spending the entire evening worrying about the last train.
You can ask your friends whether other people you know will be attending. But don't demand an advance list of the single women.
A wedding invitation is an invitation to celebrate two people. The possibility of meeting somebody new is a delightful extra, not the contract's hidden purpose.
The best-looking man in the room still becomes tiresome if his every action announces that he is shopping for a girlfriend.
The ceremony is not your opening opportunity
Please leave the ceremony alone.
If you notice a beautiful woman a few rows ahead, do not attempt to catch her eye repeatedly, pass a note or lean across the aisle to introduce yourself.
The ceremony belongs to the couple getting married. Other guests are entitled to watch it without discovering a gentleman conducting romantic reconnaissance from the pew behind them.
There will be ample time later.
At the reception, you might find yourself standing beside someone you haven't met. Perhaps you both know the bride or you're waiting for the photographs to finish.
“Wasn't that a lovely ceremony?” is perfectly acceptable.
So is: “How do you know Basil and Harriet?”
These are not sophisticated chat-up lines. They're ordinary introductions suited to the occasion.
If she replies warmly and seems happy to talk, the exchange can develop. If she's looking for her friends, give her space.
No woman needs to be detained for a detailed interview simply because she happened to stand beside the canapé table.
What to say when meeting women at a wedding reception
One considerable advantage of a wedding is that you almost certainly know somebody in common.
Perhaps she went to university with the bride. Perhaps she works with the groom or is a cousin who has travelled from another part of the country.
Ask how she knows the couple. Then listen to the answer.
If she says she went to school with the bride, ask how they met and share something appropriate about your own connection to the couple. Avoid revealing embarrassing confidences. A shared link to the wedding gives you something easy to discuss without an interrogation.
“Do,” he replied, delighted.
One useful caution: don't begin divulging the most embarrassing secrets you know about the newlyweds. You can be amusing without betraying somebody who's trusted you to attend their wedding.
The couple are providing the occasion, not permission to perform a public character assassination.
How to start talking to people at your wedding table
You may find yourself at a table with people of various ages, relationship histories and personalities.
Speak to the whole table rather than concentrating exclusively on the prettiest woman and treating everybody else as an inconvenience.
Ask about how they know the couple. Discuss the food, the speeches or something somebody has mentioned.
A woman may be interested in you precisely because you're pleasant company with other people, not because you've recited a perfect opening line to her.
If you've been seated beside someone you find attractive, don't immediately assume it was deliberate matchmaking.
And if you're at the much-feared “singles table”, don't announce that you've all been sent to romantic detention.
The table is simply where you're eating. What you make of the company is up to you.
The singles table may be lively, but so can conversations with couples and relatives. Treat everybody at your table as company worth talking to.
How to flirt at a wedding without causing awkwardness
After you've had a proper conversation, a little flirtation can be pleasant.
Perhaps she tells a wonderfully funny story about her attempt to bake a wedding cake.
“You make catastrophes sound rather attractive,” you might say.
Or you're both amused by the band launching into an unexpected song.
“I think we've just witnessed the most ambitious attempt at that chorus in musical history.”
If she laughs and adds something, enjoy the little partnership.
A suitable compliment about her style, humour or conversation may show that you're interested. But don't repeatedly comment on her body or demand to know whether she has a boyfriend.
She should be able to decline further conversation without worrying you'll follow her from the dining room to the garden.
A shared smile is a possible beginning, not a promise.
Dancing is a choice, not a romantic entitlement
At some stage, the music starts. People become astonishingly brave after the dessert.
If you'd like to dance with a woman you've been talking to, ask.
“Would you fancy a dance?”
She may be delighted. She may prefer not to. Either answer deserves a gracious response.
Don't grab her hand, pull her from a conversation or assume that accepting one dance means she's interested in kissing you.
If she joins you, have fun. You needn't demonstrate elaborate choreography.
If you've been chatting with a woman who seems comfortable with you, you can ask whether she'd like to dance. You don't need a rehearsed routine or an acrobatic move near the wedding cake. If she accepts, enjoy the song; if she declines, respect the answer. A shared laugh is lovely, but dancing doesn't create an obligation to continue.
Mind the amount you drink
One or two drinks may be part of your evening, but relying on alcohol to create courage rarely improves judgement.
You need to recognise whether somebody wants to talk and whether you're behaving respectfully. If you're too intoxicated to read the room, it's time to concentrate on water and wedding cake rather than romance.
Do not pressure a woman who is drunk, and don't treat her intoxication as an opportunity for flirtation or physical contact.
You can enjoy yourself, dance, talk and go home without leaving a trail of embarrassing apologies.
I have seen gentlemen transform from perfectly articulate dinner companions into passionate admirers of the table centrepieces by half past eleven.
Their romantic prospects did not improve.
The groom's reputation will also thank you if you refrain from attempting an uninvited speech.
What if the woman is part of the wedding party?
A bridesmaid, usher or close family member may be occupied with duties.
Perhaps she's checking flowers, helping guests find rooms or trying to keep the bride's elderly relatives from beginning a territorial dispute over the seating.
Give her room to do those things.
If you meet later when she has time and appears pleased to talk, lovely. But her politeness while helping the wedding run smoothly isn't evidence of attraction.
Don't treat a bridesmaid's role as a declaration that she's single. That's a remarkably odd assumption.
Ask about her as a person, not merely her place in the procession.
And don't create a scene if she wants to return to her responsibilities. The evening belongs to the couple.
How to ask a woman from a wedding on a date
Suppose you've had a good conversation at dinner, danced together and discovered that you both enjoy the same sort of music.
You needn't wait until the very end of the reception to deliver a grand romantic speech.
At a quiet moment, you can say: “I've enjoyed getting to know you. Would you like to meet for coffee next weekend?”
Be clear that you mean a date if the circumstances might otherwise be ambiguous.
She can accept, decline or prefer to decide later.
If she agrees, exchange details willingly and keep any follow-up respectful.
If she doesn't, wish her a pleasant evening. Don't ask the best man to make further enquiries on your behalf.
The bride and groom have quite enough to organise without becoming intermediaries in your correspondence.
What if you never speak to anybody you fancy?
Then you've still been to a wedding.
You've seen people you care about celebrate a new chapter. You've enjoyed the food, shared stories and perhaps learned that your dancing is not quite as magnificent as you'd hoped.
There is nothing wrong with returning home single.
Some men become so determined to meet a woman at a wedding that they overlook the actual friends who invited them.
That is a peculiar way to treat people who have spent a considerable amount of money and effort bringing everyone together.
Be sociable. Speak to a variety of guests. Enjoy the celebration.
The romantic opportunity is most appealing when it arrives as part of an evening you were already glad to attend.
An invitation is possible, never owed
If you meet somebody interesting at the reception, make a clear invitation rather than asking the bride to arrange your romantic future. You might enjoy a quiet conversation away from the music and suggest coffee next week. Whether it becomes a relationship is for the two of you to discover. The best way to meet somebody at a wedding is to be a pleasant guest who takes part in the celebration.
A good conversation can be one of the pleasures of a wedding, even if neither of you plans another date.
If she accepts a respectful invitation, exchange details and arrange something that suits you both.
For your next promising wedding conversation, Monty's free 14-page 7 Secrets to Becoming a Babe Magnet is available via the guide offer on this page. But do congratulate the newlyweds first, old boy.
And do congratulate the newlyweds, old boy. They've been rather busy while you've been plotting by the cake.