To meet women through a walking group, join a local group because you genuinely enjoy walking, choose a route suited to your ability, introduce yourself to several people and return often enough for friendships to develop. If you grow close to a woman who appears single and interested, you can invite her for coffee outside the group. Don't assume a friendly walking companion wants romance, follow somebody along a path after she's tried to move away, or treat an organised walk as a dating event.
Walking groups have several magnificent advantages. They involve fresh air, conversation and the possibility that somebody will bring a thermos containing something better than the liquid served at my school.
They're also an excellent opportunity for a gentleman to demonstrate the unusual quality of being pleasant company while wearing trousers that zip off at the knees.
But there is a difference between meeting a woman during a walk and pursuing her for six miles.
A fellow named Barnwell once wrote to ask whether I recommended joining the Ramblers to find a girlfriend.
“I recommend joining if you like walking,” I told him. “If you prefer sitting indoors, start with a chair.”
He did like walking. He'd simply spent so long rambling alone that his conversational skills had become somewhat dependent upon sheep.
He imagined that every walk would be populated by charming unattached women eagerly awaiting his arrival.
It wasn't. But he met interesting people, and eventually discovered that a conversation shared over several country paths could be considerably more enjoyable than an awkward declaration at the top of a hill.
Find a real group and select the right walk
Start with a walking organisation or local group whose programme you can inspect.
In Britain, the Ramblers and independent walking clubs organise guided group walks, with different distances, grades and meeting arrangements. Some welcome visitors for introductory walks; ask the local group rather than assuming the rules are identical everywhere.
Look at the route, distance, likely pace, terrain and meeting point. A gentle three-mile walk is not interchangeable with a strenuous day on the hills.
Check whether booking or contacting the walk leader is required and whether membership or a fee applies.
Lancashire Ramblers, for example, advises newcomers to start with a shorter walk if they're uncertain about their ability and to contact the leader ahead of an unfamiliar outing.
That is practical advice, not a romantic prophecy. If you're out of breath and lost, witty conversation becomes surprisingly difficult.
Choose somewhere you can actually enjoy being outdoors.
Join because you want the activity, not a list of single women
This is the central point.
People in a walking group may be married, partnered, single, recently bereaved or uninterested in dating. They haven't necessarily gathered so that you can select a romantic prospect from the attendance sheet.
Your first task is to become a pleasant member of the group.
Say hello to the leader, introduce yourself to other walkers and follow the group's arrangements. Don't immediately ask which women are single.
If you discover somebody you particularly enjoy talking with, that's lovely. But there should be no expectation that a shared hobby comes with a romantic obligation.
A good walking group is worth attending even if you never find a girlfriend there. You may become fitter, explore places you haven't seen and make new friends.
Those benefits are not consolation prizes. They're part of a more interesting life.
Barnwell and the spectacular boots
Barnwell arrived for his first walk wearing boots that looked as though they'd been designed for an expedition to the moon.
They were expensive, rigid and extraordinarily shiny.
The walk leader, Margaret, greeted him with the calm expression of a woman who had seen every possible item of unsuitable footwear.
“Are they comfortable?” she asked.
“Not yet,” he said.
“That's a brave answer.”
By the second mile, Barnwell was walking with the dignity of a man whose ankles had been placed in separate legal proceedings.
A woman called Pippa, who knew the route well, suggested an easier stretch of path around a muddy field.
“Excellent,” he said. “I was hoping to test whether these boots have been manufactured from reinforced oak.”
She laughed. They continued walking alongside several other members, swapping stories about dreadful outdoor purchases.
Nothing dramatic happened. No orchestra struck up. But Barnwell had met someone he genuinely enjoyed talking with, and his ridiculous boots provided an introduction that had not come from a dating manual.
Talk to the group before focusing on one woman
On your first few walks, get to know the people around you.
Ask someone whether they've walked the route before. Comment on an interesting landmark. Share a little story if it fits the conversation.
Don't turn every discussion into a quiz about relationship status.
Walking naturally creates opportunities for conversation because people move alongside one another and notice the same surroundings.
But don't monopolise somebody for the entire outing. Different members may want to chat, walk quietly or move at different speeds.
If a woman is giving short answers, looking towards friends or increasing the distance between you, respect that without taking it as a personal insult.
A gentleman should be able to recognise when another person would rather admire the countryside than his magnificent conversational talents.
And for heaven's sake, don't accelerate after her every time she moves ahead. It is a walk, not a chase.
How to flirt lightly during a group walk
Suppose you've attended several outings and become friendly with someone.
A little shared humour may begin naturally. Perhaps you both remember a spectacularly unhelpful signpost from the previous Sunday.
“There it is,” you might say. “The sign that sent us towards three cows and a very confused churchyard.”
If Pippa remembers the ridiculous signpost too, the two of you have a rather specific shared joke.
You can compliment something personal without becoming intrusive: “You've got a wonderful eye for interesting places,” or “I always enjoy your stories.”
But don't turn the entire outing into a display of flirtatious tricks.
She may simply like you as a walking companion, which is entirely respectable.
The value of meeting repeatedly is that you can discover whether you actually enjoy each other's company beyond the first introduction.
A warm conversation can become romantic. It doesn't have to.
Walking-group etiquette matters more than clever lines
Arrive prepared. Follow the leader's advice and don't wander away without telling anybody.
Bring suitable clothing, water and whatever the group recommends. Know whether dogs are allowed if that's relevant.
Respect the pace and safety needs of others. If someone wants a little quiet, don't force conversation. If the group stops for a rest, use the opportunity to speak to several people.
Helping a newcomer understand the route can be kind, but let each walking companion choose whether they want any help.
Barnwell once offered to carry Pippa's rucksack despite her explaining twice that she was perfectly comfortable.
“She's managed thirty mountains without you,” I told him afterwards. “Try letting her carry her sandwiches.”
Consideration is charming. An unsolicited rescue mission can be irritating.
And never follow someone into an isolated part of a trail to demand an explanation for not flirting back.
Find out whether she's available without interrogating her
You may learn naturally that someone has a partner when they mention weekend plans or family.
If you don't know, you don't need to ask the entire club for a report.
Instead, let the acquaintance develop. Talk about what you do outside walking, interests you might share and places you enjoy visiting.
She may ask about your life too.
If you become interested, the question isn't merely whether she's single. It's whether she's indicated she'd welcome another kind of meeting with you.
Look at the broader pattern. Does she willingly spend time talking, remember your conversations and seem happy to continue?
These are encouraging signs, not guarantees.
A clear invitation, when appropriate, is more respectful than months of speculation about the meaning of every smile beside a stile.
When to suggest coffee
The end of a group walk is often a sensible moment because everybody is returning to the agreed meeting point, perhaps stopping at a café or pub.
If you've had an easy, mutual conversation and want to see her separately, you might say: “I've loved talking about those old railway walks. Would you fancy a coffee together another day?”
You could offer your number rather than insist on hers.
Make the invitation privately enough that she isn't required to decide in front of twelve other walkers, but not in a place where she feels isolated or trapped.
If she agrees, lovely. If she declines, accept it warmly.
You still share a group. Don't make the next walk a test of whether you can change her mind.
A polite no is the end of the romantic question, not the beginning of a campaign.
What if the walking group has few people your age?
Walking clubs vary enormously. Some attract retirees, some younger people, and some mixed ages.
Check the group's programme and attend a walk before making assumptions based on its photographs.
You may prefer a weekend group, an evening urban walk or an activity-led organisation that suits your life. A nearby city may offer more variety than a small village.
You can also attend a singles-specific walking social if an organiser clearly advertises it as such. That is a different event from an ordinary Ramblers walk.
Don't complain to an ordinary club that its members have failed to provide a suitable dating population.
The group exists to walk.
If you're looking specifically to date, combine the walking club with a properly advertised singles event elsewhere. That keeps your social interests and your romantic search in sensible proportion.
Pippa's verdict on Barnwell
After several weekends, Barnwell had abandoned the magnificent lunar boots and purchased something he could actually walk in.
He'd also become friends with a small circle of walkers, who had developed an uncharitable but entirely deserved habit of calling him “Sir Blister”.
Pippa enjoyed his dry humour, and he enjoyed her enthusiasm for old footpaths and improbable village names.
At the end of one walk he invited her to see a photography exhibition.
She agreed.
That wasn't proof that joining a walking club inevitably produces a girlfriend. Another man might attend for years and develop only friendships. Pippa might have declined, and Barnwell would have needed to accept it.
But he had created a genuinely social life around an interest he liked and met a woman who enjoyed being part of it.
The romance, if it arrives, should be a pleasant possibility within the activity, not its hidden purpose.
Pick up my complimentary welcome booklet below if you fancy a little further help with that first invitation.
And remember, old boy: if the boots resemble space equipment, the walk is probably going to be more memorable than you intended.